Soul Connections, Soul Contracts, Agreements and Karmic bonds – the Mother Wound – Co-Dependency & Why Do So Many Women Stay in Unhappy Relationships?

As a Body therapist, yoga teacher and Akashic Reader & Teacher, I sit with many women who are deeply unhappy in their marriages or relationships and feel unable to leave.

Not because they don’t see the problems. Not because they don’t feel the pain but because they feel dependent.

Dependent on financial security. Dependent on stability. Dependent on the sense of safety. Even if that “safety” comes at the cost of emotional fulfillment. Dependent because there are kids and grandchildren they don´t want to disappoint.

Many women were raised, subtly or directly to prioritize security over happiness. To value stability over self-expression. To endure rather than disrupt. And over time, dependency can quietly replace partnership.

Here’s what often keeps us stuck:

The ⁠Financial reliance. The fear of starting over. The ⁠concern for their children. The Cultural or family expectations. The ⁠Loss of self-confidence. The Belief that they “can’t make it” alone. The emotional conditioning that normalizes unhappiness.

The nervous system can also become attached to familiarity (comfort zone) even when it’s painful. The known can feel safer than the unknown. The unknown we fear or we try to control sometimes.

But here’s a little deeper truth:

Security without emotional safety is not true security. Stability without respect is not true stability. And staying at the cost of your own wellbeing slowly erodes your sense of self. Authenticity & Integrity aren´t present.

This isn’t about telling women to leave. It’s about helping them reclaim choice.

Empowerment doesn’t always start with a dramatic decision. It often begins with small steps:

⁠Rebuilding financial literacy. ⁠Strengthening support systems. Reconnecting with identity outside the relationship. Challenging limiting beliefs. Processing fear in a safe therapeutic space. Dependency is not weakness. It is often the result of years of conditioning, fear and survival but autonomy can be rebuilt. Confidence can be relearned and safety can be redefined.

Every woman & man deserves both security and emotional wellbeing and not one at the expense of the other.

And then there is co-dependency.

Co-dependency is a dysfunctional relationship dynamic where one person assumes the role of “the giver,” sacrificing their own needs and well-being for the sake of the other, “the taker.” The bond in question doesn’t have to be romantic. It can occur just as easily between parent and child, friends and family members. Don’t forget „The Takers“ have no limits so they teach you to set limits. It is a learned behavior and defense mechanism. Mostly found in those who grow up in emotionally unhealthy homes.

Healthy relationships are mutually beneficial, providing love and support to both parties. Codependent relationships, on the other hand are one-sided, casting one person in the role of constant caregiver. By being caring, highly functional and helpful, that person is said to support or “enable” a loved one’s irresponsible or destructive behavior.

According to this way of thinking, creating emotional distance from the troubled loved one is necessary and beneficial for the codependent partner. It is a way to expose them to the negative consequences of their behavior. In being reliable, caring and nurturing, the codependent partner is perceived to be exhibiting any number of weaknesses of his or her own from low self-esteem and an excessive need to please others to poor interpersonal boundaries that make him or her feel responsible for the other’s problems. Essentially a codependent gives themselves and their self-worth up to maintain relationships with others.

Healing codependency involves:

• Self-honesty is the practice of always speaking and acting in accordance with what you believe to be true!
• Become aware of your patterns.
• Make SELF CARE A NUMBER ONE PRIORITY
• Nurture your social relationships
• Get comfortable setting and maintaining boundaries
• Practice self-soothing behaviors where you can nourish yourself

Awareness of your triggers/wounds/weaknesses. You say what you mean without being mean. You can let go of what other people are doing.

Now, I switch over to the Mother Wound because this leads us to our personal realtionships and how we life our love relationships.

What is the mother Wound? And how do you heal it?

There are so many different types of Mother-daughter/child relationships and mentally, emotionally and spiritually interactions between us.

Donald Winnicott a British psychoanalyst believed that the sense of the self is built by the kind of relationship we have with our primary caregiver (usually the mother).

It comes from what girls witness from their mothers in their formative years.

If a mother wasn´t emotionally there the so-called “mother-wounds” arise.

Typical Experiences:

Usually daughter, but sometimes also sons can experience the mother wound if:

• The mother provided support by taking care of the physical needs of the childen, but didn´t give love, care, security.
• The mother didn´t provide empathy to mirror the child´s emotions and help them to coregulate and manage those emotions.
• The mother didn´t allow to express negative emotions.
• The mother was extra critical
• The mother expected the child´s support with their own physical or emotional needs.
• The mother wasn´t available to the child either because they had to work or because they were busy with their own interests.
• The mother is till carring her own Traumas & Abuses unprocessed and was therefore unable to offer love and nurture.
• The mother made you feel nervous, frightened or unsafe.
• The mother made you doubt and you needed approval and tried to be perfect.
• The mother had untreated health conditions, addictions, etc.

How is a mother wound reflecting in your own behavior?

• Low self-esteem – comparison – not feeling good enough.
• Shame – the feeling that there is something wrong with you – unworthiness.
• Attentuation: Power Struggels. Who has the power. How are you feeling loved. Giving – Receiving. Feeling you must remain small to be loved.
• Persistent Sense of Guilt: Wanting more than you currently have.
• Lack of emotional awareness.
• Inabiliy to self-soothe or the not able to let others to soothe you.
• The feeling that warm and nurturing relationships aren´t in your reach.
• Too much Yang energy.
• The feeling of being uncomfortable with Women in a group, etc..
• Having a high tolerance for poor treatment from others.
• Being overly rigid or dominating.
• Conditions such as eating disorders, depression & addictions.
• Fear of becoming a mother.
• The list is long….

Healing the Mother Wounds. Maternal Trauma is a deeply personal and highly sensitive topic. Women experiencing these struggles in silence.

It is an attachment Trauma that includes deeply rooted beliefs of feeling unloved, misunderstood, abandoned, unworthy of care and even fearful of expressing themselves. It affects adult relationships, mental health and your own progress inside.

What else can you do?

• Engage with the Pain that is buried deep inside.
• Love yourself (easy said but really learn it).
• Re-Parenting your inner child – you can always give you the things you have never received now – don´t expect it from others or your mother.
• Flodding your system with the basic Creation Codes of the Feminine Consciousness.
• Forgiveness & Acceptance – Acknowledgement  creates the emotional space that is needed to move towards forgiveness.

“If you can recognize your mother for who she is and not dwell on who you would like her to be, you can move toward understand and accepting her as she is.”

And of course, it is better & I recommend to work through with a therapist without extending the olive branch. Cutting the contact to heal is sometimes necessary.

All in all:

There is nobody to blame. We can´t blame our mothers for their or our faults. We all have the gift of choice. We can choose to take steps to heal our mother wounds that we don´t pass it on to our children. This is true empowerment. Breaking the Codes. It needs a willingness to confront, heal and persevere. And yes some stuff are deeply rooted and it depends what has happened in the past of course. 

I am not a Trauma Specialist but made some Training also due the Akashic Field Work, Therapist & Yoga work.

I can offer you all my tools that I have learned through my own healing work. My own holistic Techniques. Self Care Practices, Release Techniques, Coping Skills, Yin Yoga, Grounding exercises, guided Womb Meditations, Quantumnfield Work with Primal Structure, Ancestral Work. Divine Feminine Healing Techniques, Akashic Womb Reading etc.

“For healing it is important you start to separate yourself from your mother, she is a part of you and your make up (genes), but she is not you.” (McBride, 2013).

Soul Contracts 

A karmic relationship is a spiritual concept describing a deep and intense connection between two people who are believed to share unresolved lessons or emotional debts, possibly from a past life or earlier experiences in this life. The idea comes from traditions such as Hinduism and Buddhism, where karma refers to actions and their consequences. In this context, a karmic relationship is not random; it is seen as a bond formed to help both individuals grow, heal, and evolve.

These relationships often begin with an immediate sense of familiarity. You may feel as though you have known the person forever, even if you have just met. The attraction is usually strong and magnetic, creating a powerful emotional and sometimes physical pull. However, alongside this intensity often comes turbulence. Karmic relationships are frequently marked by dramatic highs and lows, recurring conflicts, and emotional volatility. The same arguments or unhealthy patterns may repeat, such as jealousy, control issues, fear of abandonment, or emotional dependency.

One defining feature of a karmic relationship is its transformative nature. It tends to bring unresolved wounds to the surface, forcing both people to confront insecurities, attachment styles, and limiting beliefs. While the connection can feel passionate and meaningful, it is often challenging and even painful. The purpose is not necessarily long-term harmony but personal growth. Through the struggles, individuals may learn boundaries, self-worth, forgiveness, or how to break destructive cycles.

Many karmic relationships do not last forever. They may end suddenly or dramatically, sometimes through betrayal, conflict, or emotional exhaustion. Even after separation, the connection can leave a strong emotional imprint. Once the lesson is learned and personal growth has occurred, the bond often naturally loosens.

From a psychological perspective, even without a belief in past lives, karmic relationships can be understood as intense connections rooted in familiar emotional patterns. People are often drawn to what feels familiar, even if it mirrors unresolved childhood wounds or unhealthy attachment dynamics. In this sense, a karmic relationship can reflect trauma bonding or the repetition of deeply ingrained relational habits.

Ultimately, a karmic relationship is less about destiny in a romantic sense and more about evolution. It is a connection that challenges, awakens, and reshapes you. Sometimes painfully, but often in ways that lead to greater self-awareness and emotional maturity.

Love is the universal source of energy.

It is the invisible current that flows through every living being, connecting us beyond space, time, and physical form. This energy awakens a feeling within our heart centers. A warmth, an expansion, a sense of recognition  that draws us closer to one another. Love creates space inside of us: space for healing, for growth, for forgiveness, and ultimately for the evolution of the soul.

When we meet someone who activates this energy within us, it can feel like magic. Our hearts open effortlessly. We feel seen, understood, and somehow remembered. What we often call magic is resonance.  Two souls aligning in a way that feels familiar and deeply meaningful. Not all connections, however, are the same. While love is the foundation, the roles people play in our lives differ. Some are bound to us through soul contracts, some through soul agreements, some through soulmate connections, and others through karmic ties. Each carries a distinct purpose in our spiritual journey.

A soul contract is believed to be an agreement made before incarnation. According to many spiritual traditions, before we enter this lifetime, our souls choose certain experiences and relationships that will support our evolution. In this pre-birth planning, souls meet and agree to collaborate in human form in order to learn specific lessons together. These contracts are not punishments or fixed destinies; they are frameworks for growth.

Soul contracts often appear as our family members, long-term partners, close friends, or important teachers. These relationships tend to feel significant and enduring. There is often a sense of familiarity, as though we have known each other before. Through these connections, we encounter our deepest lessons. They shine a light on our resistance, our wounds, our strengths and our capacity to love. They guide us toward our life’s purpose by challenging us to grow beyond who we have been. The energy in soul contracts can be positive, negative, or neutral, depending on what we are meant to learn. What matters is not whether the relationship feels easy, but whether it contributes to our awakening.

Soul agreements, on the other hand, are typically more temporary and phase-specific. While a soul contract may span many years or even an entire lifetime, a soul agreement often enters our lives at a precise moment when transformation is necessary. It can feel sudden and intense. We are living our lives in familiar patterns, and then almost unexpectedly someone appears who completely shifts our perspective.

These connections are often charged, powerful, and life-altering. They awaken something dormant within us. They may challenge our beliefs, inspire courage, or push us out of stagnation. The purpose of a soul agreement is not always permanence; it is expansion. These individuals act as energetic landmarks, guiding us from one chapter of our lives into the next. The difficulty arises when we try to hold onto the person rather than integrating the lesson. The disappointment we feel is often rooted in attachment, not in the failure of the connection. When we trust that what we learned through them serves our highest good, we can release the need to cling and instead honor the transformation.

Soulmates form another layer within our soul connections. Contrary to popular belief, we do not have only one soulmate. We may encounter several throughout our lifetime. Soulmates are souls whose energy complements ours. They do not necessarily mirror us perfectly, but they balance us in ways that support growth and healing. A soulmate may be a romantic partner, a close friend, a mentor, or even someone who enters briefly yet leaves a lasting imprint. Twin flames or soul family members are often described as souls who have cultivated their energy together across lifetimes. These connections can feel deeply familiar and profoundly intimate, yet their purpose remains growth rather than simple romantic fulfillment.

Karmic contracts differ from soul contracts and agreements in that they are often tied to unresolved patterns. A karmic relationship may arise from ancestral wounds, past-life imbalances, or unconscious behaviors repeated across generations. These connections can feel intense and magnetic but are frequently marked by struggle, repetition, or emotional pain. They may involve dating the same type of toxic partner, reenacting family dynamics, or confronting aspects of ourselves we have avoided. The purpose of a karmic contract is confrontation and awareness. Through friction, we become conscious of patterns that need healing. Once the lesson is integrated, the cycle dissolves.

Some traditions suggest that soul contracts can shift or even be released when significant growth occurs. They are not rigid laws but dynamic agreements designed to stimulate spiritual evolution. When we align more fully with love, compassion, and conscious action, we naturally transform the energetic agreements in our lives. Breaking a contract does not require force; it requires awareness. As we grow, relationships reorganize themselves accordingly.

Ultimately, the categories — soul contract, soul agreement, soulmate, karmic tie — matter less than the lessons they bring. Every connection serves one central purpose: to guide us closer to our higher calling. Our partnerships either move us toward alignment with our divine nature or show us clearly what pulls us away from it. Both paths are teachers.

So how do we know if someone is “the one”?

The answer is simpler than we expect. We allow ourselves to truly meet them. Without projection. Without clinging to fantasy. Without demanding permanence. When a connection supports our expansion, inner peace and alignment with our purpose, it flows naturally. When it repeatedly pulls us into contraction and away from our truth, it reveals a lesson through contrast.

Love itself remains constant. Pure, universal, and unconditional. The forms it takes in our lives vary according to what our souls need to learn. Some people walk beside us for a lifetime. Some walk with us for a season. Some arrive like a storm, shaking us awake before moving on. None are accidental. As one of my favorite sentences is: Everything is a contribution. Everything.

Through every contract, agreement and connection, love is guiding us back to ourselves, back to our purpose, and back to the divine source from which we came.

How all these themes weave together?

In the end, all of these themes weave together. Soul connections, soul contracts, agreements and karmic bonds are not random. They touch the very places within us that are still longing for healing. And very often, they lead us directly to the mother wound and to patterns of codependency. We do not only attract souls who resonate with our light. We also attract those who mirror our unmet needs, our unhealed attachment patterns, and the parts of us that once learned maybe “I must earn love to receive it.”

If our early bond with our primary caregiver was shaped by emotional absence, criticism, enmeshment, or conditional love, we may unconsciously recreate those dynamics in our adult relationships. What feels like a fated, karmic, or soul deep connection can sometimes be a nervous system recognizing familiarity. Even when that familiarity includes instability or pain. Intensity is mistaken for intimacy. Attachment is mistaken for destiny.

A soul contract may indeed promise growth, but without awareness, growth can turn into repetition. We stay not only because of love, but because of conditioning. Because dependency feels safer than the unknown. Because somewhere inside, a younger version of us still hopes to finally receive the love that once felt out of reach.

True healing begins when we bring spiritual insight and psychological maturity together. When we honor the lesson without romanticizing the suffering. When we stop asking, “Why is this happening to me?” and begin asking,

“What is this showing me about my unmet needs, my boundaries and my self-worth?”

As we tend to the mother wound, as we unravel codependency, as we learn to re-parent ourselves with compassion and strength, our soul connections begin to change. We no longer choose from fear, scarcity, or unconscious loyalty to old pain. We choose from integrity. From self-respect. From wholeness.

And this is where everything comes full circle: love is no longer confused with sacrifice or struggle. It is no longer something we endure to feel safe. It becomes what it was always meant to be. A force that does not bind us through fear, but frees us through truth.

Akashic Records & Soul Contracts Clearing Work

In Akashic Records work, clearing karmic contracts is considered important because these contracts are believed to be energetic agreements made at the soul level to experience certain lessons, relationships, or challenges. Over time, however, a person evolves. What may once have supported growth can later become limiting. Clearing a karmic contract is therefore not about denying the past, but about releasing outdated agreements that no longer align with one’s current level of awareness or life path.

Many practitioners view recurring life patterns such as repeated relationship dynamics, chronic struggle, or persistent emotional wounds as signs of unresolved karmic agreements. By consciously acknowledging and releasing these contracts, individuals symbolically step out of cycles of repetition. This process is said to restore personal sovereignty, allowing choices to be made from present awareness rather than from unconscious loyalty to past-life vows, trauma bonds, or inherited energetic patterns.

On a psychological level, even for those who interpret the Akashic Records metaphorically, the act of identifying and clearing a karmic contract can serve as a powerful tool for emotional closure. It creates a structured space for forgiveness, boundary-setting and reframing old narratives. In this sense, clearing karmic contracts represents a shift from learning through struggle to learning through conscious alignment and intention.

So as you close this blog, I invite you to pause for a moment and ask yourself:

What can you take with you from all of this?

Maybe it is the understanding that not every intense connection is meant to last. Some are meant to awaken you.

Maybe it is the awareness that what feels karmic or “fated” might actually be a mirror of an old wound asking to be healed.

Maybe it is the realization that dependency is not weakness, but conditioning and conditioning can be changed.

You might take with you the insight that soul contracts are about growth, not suffering. That karmic bonds are about awareness, not punishment. That soul agreements arrive to shift your perspective, not to define your worth.

Perhaps you recognize parts of your own story the mother wound, the tendency to overgive, the fear of starting over, the quiet voice that says, “Stay small to stay safe.” And maybe, just maybe, you feel a new voice emerging: “I am allowed to choose differently.”

You can take with you this truth:
Security without emotional safety is not real security.
Love without respect is not real love.
And spirituality without self-responsibility is incomplete.

Most importantly, you can take with you the reminder that you always have choice. You are not bound by your past, your upbringing, your patterns, or even your most intense connections. Awareness changes everything. When you see the pattern, you are already no longer trapped inside it. The Akasha Healing & Transmutation Work is a very helpful Tool that supports you in this.

If this blog has given you anything, let it be this:

You are allowed to outgrow relationships.
You are allowed to rewrite your story. You are allowed to…..

And you are worthy of a love that feels safe, mutual, and aligned, not karmic chaos mistaken for destiny, but conscious connection rooted in truth.

Amor,

Uma